The Secret of the Hot Springs

I am a 32-year-old divorced woman working as a contract employee.
The reason for my divorce was that I could no longer tolerate my husband's fetishes.
I met my husband through work, and after a few meals together, he asked me to date him, and we started a relationship.
I was 25, and he was 29, and we would go on hot spring trips once a month because he loved traveling.
I wasn't a strong drinker, but after dating him, I started drinking a little during meals and began to appreciate the taste of alcohol. We dated for two years and got married when I was 27.
Although he wasn't my first man, I was surprised by the differences in experience and actions.
I didn't dislike it because I loved him, but I couldn't tell if it was because of me or because I was a woman, but he seemed to love that part of me. I think all men are like that...
Once he got between my legs, he wouldn't leave for about an hour.
He would say, "Your private part is truly ideal, unlike anyone else's," and wouldn't leave from between my legs.
At first, I didn't mind because it was coming from someone I loved, and I let him do as he pleased.
There were times when I woke up in the middle of the night feeling uncomfortable, only to find him playing with me, and I was surprised at how much he loved that part.
Our trips to hot springs continued, but he started booking ones with mixed baths, which hadn't happened before.
Even when he suggested, "Let's try the mixed bath," I wasn't interested.
I couldn't imagine entering a hot spring naked with unknown men.
Still, he kept insisting every trip, and after dinner, he would offer me drinks, saying, "It's late, so no one will be there," and with the influence of alcohol, I reluctantly agreed, saying, "Okay, but if there are men, I'll leave immediately," and entered the mixed bath.

I undressed in the women's changing room, covered myself with a hand towel, and went to the hot spring, where he was already in the bath, waving at me.
I entered the bath next to him and looked around, and it seemed we were the only ones in the mixed bath.
Coincidentally, no one else was there, but I was the only woman, and four other men entered, making me feel embarrassed and hot under their gaze. Even when I said, "I'll get out first," I felt their stares as I left the bath, quickly put on my yukata, and hurried back to the room.
After a while, he returned, saying, "Sorry, sorry, it was just a coincidence that others came in today," to which I replied, "Yeah, it was embarrassing." He then excitedly told me, "But after you left, they said, 'Your wife is beautiful, I'm envious,' and 'I caught a glimpse when she got out, and you don't often see such a beautiful private part,'" which seemed to excite him.
He then pushed me onto the futon, removed my underwear, and spread my legs, saying, "Look at this beautiful part, it's like this," to which I closed my eyes in embarrassment, and he didn't let me sleep that night.

When it became routine for him to suggest such things during our hot spring trips, I started considering divorce.
That time, too, he made me drink during dinner, and as I was getting drunk and returning to the room, he said, "Let's go to the mixed bath now," to which I replied, "I'm drunk and sleepy, I don't want to go," but he insisted, "Just a little warm-up will help you sleep better," and I said, "You never let me sleep after the mixed bath," to which he replied, "You don't dislike it, do you?" and I said, "What are you talking about, idiot," and he apologized, "Okay, okay, I'm sorry," and eventually, he led me to the hot spring.
I undressed, covered myself with a towel, and went to the hot spring, where an older couple was already soaking.
I joined them in the bath, and as we were chatting, three older men entered from the men's changing room.
The couple said, "We'll go ahead," and left, but as I watched them, the wife got out of the bath, facing us, and as she stepped over the edge, I could see everything between her legs.
Even though she was the same gender, seeing someone else's private part made my heart race.
The three men soaked on the opposite side, and I felt their gaze as I sat next to my husband, closing my eyes.
"Is your wife asleep?" they asked, and he replied, "She had a bit to drink," to which they said, "She's beautiful, I'm envious," and he replied, "Is that so?" "Her legs are beautiful, and her chest is big," they continued, and although I had my eyes closed, I could hear everything and was thinking about when to get out.
But thinking about showing my private part to three unknown men like the wife earlier made me hesitate.
At that moment, my husband's actions surprised me.
As I peeked through my eyelids, I saw him put a finger to his lips, signaling "Shh," and then he held my knee, and although I tried to resist, he eventually lifted one of my legs in the hot spring.
Although it wasn't completely visible to the men across, showing a woman's private part to other men was embarrassing, and I could only pretend to be asleep, feeling hot with embarrassment.
He got carried away and lifted my other leg, making me sit in a crouched position in the hot spring.
"Oh, it's a beautiful private part, completely visible," I heard, and I was showing my private part to the three men in the hot spring.
"Thanks for the view, it's been a while since I've been like this," "Me too, look," they said, making my heart race with embarrassment.
Thinking I was asleep, they said, "It's amazing to be able to do it with such a beautiful private part," "Really," and then, "Let's get going," and the three of them left.
Not knowing what he would do, I continued pretending to be asleep.
After a while, he woke me up, and we got out of the bath, dressed in yukata, and went to the room, where I fell asleep before he returned.
Thinking I wouldn't get angry because I pretended to be asleep, he started making me drink and showing me to other men in the mixed bath when I was slightly drunk.
Three years into our marriage, his fetishes escalated, and I couldn't endure it anymore, so we divorced.

It's been two years since the divorce, but I realize that I can't forget the excitement of being seen by men.
Although I'm not dating anyone, when I feel restless, I go to hot springs alone. Of course, ones with mixed outdoor baths.
Last week, I went to a hot spring, undressed in the women's changing room, and went to the bath, feeling the gaze of the men in the bath as I washed myself beside the bath and placed my towel before entering. I'm sure they could see my chest and private part, but I pretended not to notice.
Even when I moved my legs in the bath, I felt the gaze of the men across, but I pretended not to notice and let them see.
I could tell if they saw by their reactions, and men's bodies are honest.

The most embarrassing thing I want to show is what happened when the couple we met at the hot spring with my husband got out, and I accidentally saw the wife's private part clearly.
I also have to stand up, facing the bath, and step over to get out, so if there are men soaking in the bath, they will see my backside.
I want to prolong the time of excitement from being watched, so I crouch to pick up the towel I placed, making sure they can see.
I pretend not to notice that they can see my private part, slightly open between my legs, as I slowly pick up the towel.
As I walk to the changing room with the towel, my private part tingles.

I can't always go to hot springs, so when I can't, I go to old public baths, which are now rare.
If there's a man at the reception, I quickly undress, go to the washing area, pour water over myself, and enter the bath. After washing, I rinse with the shower and go to the changing room to check if there's a man at the reception.
If there is, I dry myself while checking in the mirror or glass to see if he's watching me.
If I know I'm being watched, I turn my back to the reception, crouch, and slowly dry my legs, making sure to show my tightly closed private part like a clam.
When I get home, I think about the man at the reception and relieve my restlessness by playing with myself.