What can I say, this summer has been full of events that have left me bewildered.
I can't believe what I'm doing myself.
It's like everything around me is moving like a movie scene while I'm just spacing out.
It all started with an overnight trip with my ex-boyfriend.
No, it actually started before that, but really...
Going on a trip with an ex-boyfriend is something you'd normally keep secret from your husband, but it was my husband who actively encouraged me to go.
My friends couldn't believe it either.
I wasn't really keen on it, but I think these things are only understood between a married couple.
Once, when my husband and I were quite drunk and having sex, I apparently talked a lot about my ex-boyfriend.
My husband is a good listener, and in my drunken and sexual haze, I said something like, "Sex with my ex was so good I can't forget it."
My husband's sex that night was surprisingly masculine and intense.
Since then, every time we had sex, my husband would persistently ask about my ex.
Being foolish, I told him everything, like how many times we had sex.
How I walked around in a mini skirt with no panties, feeling the breeze.
How we had sex on a park bench while people were watching.
How his penis was quite big, like a bat.
I probably told my husband everything I shouldn't have.
When I told my friends, they said, "There's no wife as foolish as you."
"If I told my husband that, he'd kill me. What were you thinking?"
But I didn't want to lie to my husband; I wanted to be honest.
My husband is incredibly kind and has never been angry.
Every time he heard about my ex, he would compliment me, saying, "Your sensitivity down there has improved because you had so much sex with your ex."
He even said, "Why don't you go on a date with your ex?"
"He's probably forgotten all about me," I said, but strange things kept happening.
A friend of mine ran into my ex by chance, and he asked about me, so she gave him my email address.
He emailed me right away, and we started exchanging emails... I showed everything to my husband because I didn't want to keep secrets.
Eventually, he emailed, "Would you like to meet up sometime?"
My husband said, "It's been a while, so you should go on a date," but that night he held me passionately.
While having sex, I said, "I'm not interested in my ex anymore," and my husband said, "Go on a date for me."
I thought he was saying something strange.
I had a vague feeling, but after hearing my husband talk a few times, even foolish me understood.
He had a normal face, but my husband was jealous.
He didn't show it, so I always thought he was just kind, but I was foolish.
The more jealous he got, the more intense our sex became, and I finally understood that my husband wanted to be jealous.
So I asked him repeatedly, "Is it really okay if he holds me? We'll have sex, you know."
He said, "You had sex with him many times before, so it doesn't matter how many times you do it now."
"But that was before I met you... If I meet him now, it would be cheating."
"Then just cheat. Let him see the current you."
"If you say so, I'll let him hold me. Don't say anything weird later."
So, I went on a date with my ex.
"You haven't changed... but you look even more beautiful," he said.
He was still smooth-talking, and being complimented didn't feel bad... I was easily swayed by him, and it was my first time cheating...
My friends had told me, but forbidden sex is amazing.
I was so loud and wild, it was embarrassing.
On my way home, I rode a swing in a nearby park... I felt too complicated to go straight home.
When I quietly closed the door, my husband welcomed me gently and asked how it was.
When he asked how it was, I could only say, "It was complicated."
But while being held by my husband, I couldn't help but think about my ex who had just held me... Being held by a man other than my husband for the first time in a while was exciting.
My husband kissed my entire body as if to cleanse me.
Even though I still felt the remnants of my ex, I let my husband hold me... I'm quite a naughty wife.
I'm becoming more and more promiscuous, and my body feels it every time.
Actually, it was my husband who suggested the overnight trip, but I felt a bit guilty because I had lied to him a little.
That's because my ex's friend, John, was also with us.
I had known John since I was dating my ex...
And that night, as expected, John held me while my ex watched.
I became John's toy.
My ex watched with a grin.
Why do men like this kind of thing?
I don't like being with two men at once; it's distracting.
I want to have more intimate sex...
But I became John's toy, and he even shaved my pubic hair.
I wondered what my husband would say if he saw...
I had entrusted the digital camera my husband asked for to my ex.
It was full of pictures of me being held by John.
When I got home, I handed the camera to my husband without a word.
Later, my husband was surprised and said, "You had a threesome!"
But he wasn't angry about me being held by John.
In fact, he seemed to like the photos of both men pressing their penises against my breasts.
After returning from the trip, my husband even approved of my dates with John, and I wonder if this is really okay.
When I told my friends about this, they said, "You're really a foolish, promiscuous woman," and I was a bit shocked.
