Recently, I've been feeling constipated and the thought of my future job makes me feel heavy...
Thinking about whether I can do my job properly and whether I can function as a proper member of society makes me feel unwell, and once I start worrying, I can't stop thinking about it.
I had been thinking of getting a health checkup at a reputable hospital for a while.
Since my university lectures ended in December, I went to a university hospital the other day.
I didn't know which department to consult, but after discussing it at the reception, I was directed to the general medicine department.
At first, I was called into a room called the preliminary examination room, where a young-looking doctor asked me various questions, but then said, "I'll call you again later," and left.
After waiting for quite a while, I was finally called and entered the first examination room, where a rather dignified elderly doctor was sitting.
To my surprise, there were also three doctors in white coats (I later found out they were students) standing behind him.
The doctor seemed to be listening to my symptoms from the doctor I met in the preliminary examination room without looking at me.
A middle-aged nurse said, "The doctor will examine you now, so please lie down on the bed and wait."
When I lay down on the bed, my belt and zipper were loosened, and my blouse was rolled up to expose my stomach.
A bath towel was placed over my stomach.
The doctor first asked, "These three are students, but can they observe the examination for their studies?"
I thought that university hospitals were different from regular hospitals, but without thinking much, I replied, "Yes."
The doctor began a thorough palpation of my abdomen, teaching the students how to feel the kidneys and where to place their hands for the liver.
"You mentioned that there is sometimes blood in your stool. Does bright red blood appear on the paper when you wipe?" the doctor asked specifically.
Indeed, that had happened when I had hard stools, so I answered accordingly...
"In most cases, such bleeding is due to hemorrhoids, but sometimes it can be a sign of a special disease. Can I examine your rectum?"
At that moment, I regretted saying "yes" without thinking earlier.
I could understand the doctor, but I didn't want the students to see, even if it was for their studies.
However, in the tense atmosphere of the examination room, I couldn't say "no."
While lying on my back, my pants were pulled down to my thighs, and my underwear was similarly pulled down. I was made to lie on my side, hugging my knees, with my buttocks exposed to the students.
A bath towel was placed over my lower back and genital area...
"You can see a slight fissure at the edge here," I heard the doctor say, pointing at my anus with his finger.
"In such cases, changing the position can make it easier to see. Miss, please lie on your stomach with your knees as close to your chest as possible," he said, and I was rolled over.
I could hear a faint murmur from the students.
"This is called the knee-chest position. By assuming this position, the anus opens up, allowing for a detailed observation. You can clearly see the fissure that was hidden earlier. Look, you can see the hemorrhoid at the 6 o'clock position," the doctor explained.
I was in a position similar to bowing deeply, with my buttocks sticking out.
I could feel my anus naturally opening and the folds stretching out in tension.
Being observed by multiple people made me so embarrassed that I couldn't lift my head.
In this position, I couldn't cover myself with the bath towel, and my genital area was slightly visible.
In fact, the students were squatting down and looking at my buttocks from below, with their faces very close, and I could painfully feel their gazes on my genital area.
I struggled to hide my private parts with the soles of my feet, but it was a futile effort.
Such actions only made me feel more embarrassed and miserable, so I stopped.
"That's enough," the doctor said, and I was returned to my original position.
"Now, I will examine your rectum, so please try to relax as much as possible. Let me know if you feel any pain," the doctor said.
He then slid his finger into my anus.
His fingertip twisted inside my anus, thoroughly tracing the walls of my rectum.
The examination didn't take more than a minute.
I was surprised at how different it was from the rectal examination I had previously received.
However, the real embarrassment was yet to come.
"One of the students, please put on gloves," the doctor said.
The student who had initially questioned me began putting on gloves.
For a moment, our eyes met, and both of us blushed, feeling awkward.
"Please examine and describe your findings," the doctor instructed.
With clumsy hands, the student inserted his finger into my anus.
I could feel his hand trembling.
"I feel something at the 12 o'clock position..." the student answered in a barely audible voice.
"That's the uterus, you fool," the doctor laughed.
The atmosphere lightened for a moment.
As the examination ended and I felt relieved, the doctor gave the following advice:
"From now on, you need to improve your diet and make it a habit to have a bowel movement every morning. Your anus is slightly torn, probably due to hard stools. Also, I noticed something while palpating your abdomen. It felt like I touched your uterus. There is a possibility of uterine fibroids. If they are large, they can press on the rectum and cause constipation. Please have it checked by a gynecologist."
That same day, I was referred to the gynecology department.
"Uterine fibroids?"
My mind went into a panic at first.
Thanks to the doctor making a call, I was quickly called in for an examination.
When I entered the examination room, there was a notice on the wall.
'Please remove your lower garments (pants, skirt, underwear).'
'Please use the footrest and carefully get on the examination table and wait.'
In the room, there was an examination table about waist-high, with a curtain in the middle, blocking the view to the other side.
Following the instructions on the notice, I removed my pants and underwear and bent down to place them in the laundry basket. I saw many shoes on the other side of the curtain.
(I'm going to be exposed to the students again...)
Thinking that made my legs tremble.
As if waiting for me to remove my pants and underwear, I heard a nurse's voice from the other side of the curtain, "Please be careful and get on the examination table."
I braced myself and got on the examination table.
I couldn't see the other side of the curtain, but I could sense the presence of multiple people.
Imagining exposing my genital area on the other side of the curtain made me tremble uncontrollably.
"There are footrests here, so please place your feet on them," the nurse's voice guided me from the other side of the curtain.
The footrests were wider than shoulder-width apart and about 30 cm higher than the examination table, so placing both feet on them forced my legs to open.
"Please wait a little longer," the nurse said and left.
I knew it was futile, but I tried to keep my thighs together and my legs inward to hide my genital area as much as possible while waiting for the doctor.
But the doctor didn't come for a long time.
It might have been only about five minutes, but being exposed in such a position without anything happening was unbearable.
My thighs were getting tired from keeping them closed.
At that moment, I felt a strange sensation along with my discomfort while lying on the examination table.
I had felt it a little since the rectal examination in the general medicine department.
I was starting to get wet.
I could feel my clitoris becoming erect between my closed legs.
At that moment, a crazy thought crossed my mind.
(What if I opened my legs and showed my wet genital area to the students on the other side of the curtain? What would they think?)
It was a dangerous thought, but imagining their reaction made my heart race and feel even stranger...
As if being forced by another self, I slowly began to open my legs.
When I had opened them halfway, I heard whispers from the other side of the curtain, and I stopped, startled, and came to my senses.
(What a foolish thing I almost did)
I regretted opening my legs on the examination table.
(How would they see me and what would they think of me)
As I was overwhelmed with shame, the doctor finally appeared.
"Miss, I'm going to start the examination now. Can you move your hips a little closer to me?"
"Yes..."
I replied, but not knowing what to do, I fumbled around. The doctor reached out from the other side of the curtain, grabbed my hips, and said, "Can you lift your hips a little?" and pulled me towards the other side of the curtain.
With my feet fixed on the footrests, the more my hips were pulled down, the more my legs opened.
"Can you do it one more time?" the doctor asked, pulling me further towards him until my hips were almost hanging off the edge of the examination table.
I never imagined I would be put in such a humiliating position.
(So this is what it means to have both the anus and genital area completely exposed)
Usually, these parts are hidden deep inside the body, but on the examination table, it felt like they were turned inside out and exposed on the surface.
The skin around my anus was stretched to the point of tearing, and it felt like my anus was about to open.
I had to keep straining to prevent my anus from opening.
Being forced to open my legs to the extreme, my labia were pulled outward, and my vagina opened.
I could feel my vaginal fluids dripping down to my anus.
Even my swollen, exposed clitoris was likely being observed by the students.
With my mind blank from shame, I objectively observed my current situation.
The examination itself didn't take more than ten minutes.
When the speculum was inserted into my vagina and opened wide to examine the internal organs, I felt like saying, (There's nothing more to show you).
What I hated was that the same examination was repeated twice.
Although I couldn't see it because of the curtain, I realized that several students were also examining me.
During the ultrasound examination (a long object was inserted into my vagina for the examination), the doctor suddenly said, "Miss, can you see this?" and opened the curtain to show me the ultrasound monitor.
There was a small uterine fibroid, and while the doctor was explaining, some students were not looking at the monitor at all but were focusing their gaze on my genital area.
One of the students even blatantly compared my genital area and my face, smirking.
I regretted coming to the university hospital...
I regretted feeling strange and opening my legs on my own...
I'll never get on the examination table again.
To make matters worse, recently, my genital area has been itching.
There is also discharge on my underwear that I've never seen before. It can't be an infection from the university hospital, and I haven't had sex...
I really want to cry.
